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Hey I had that?

Drewish log supplemental

There are times I truly wish things were different than they are.

I see people celebrating anniversaries and part of me is now jealous. Part of me inside says "hey I had that?... why cant I still have that."

Stomping one's foot, even metaphorically, isn't being a very good adult. That also doesn't mean it won't happen either.

The emotions of the last year and of the last week have been intense. Two ladies, that were good friends of Jordan, and I wondered what He would have said about the election... leave alone the results.

I know there are others out there that lost of loved one in the late fall or early winter. We are all still processing, gsthering and finding ways of moving on.

There will always be that "but wait I had that... where's my romantic evening celebrating our anniversary?"

But punishing myself or secretly loathing those who still have anniversaries ahead of them is pretty fruitless.

The new apartment for me is another step in resetting the drewness. Part of me was drawn the white blank canvass of the apartment. Not unlike me the apartment will be ready for new splashes of color. New forms of expression and if I am lucky... new expressions of love.

Don't know if I am that lucky yet.

Fingers crossed.

Comments

( 1 comment — Leave a comment )
tinman11201
Nov. 15th, 2016 11:45 pm (UTC)
Grief is never easy, but know that you are not alone and that the cliche is true, in time it will hurt less. You will never forget and in my own opinion it will never not hurt when you are remembering, but it will hurt less and you will be able to0 experience joy again, even though it feels like that may never happen at the moment.

I've been there and thought the sadness would never end, but at some point, it does. So while you are still feeling the loss more palpably, let yourself feel the feelings as they come up. I always found that if i let them happen and go with the tears and the feelings, I always felt such relief later. letting it happen and flow through you is always more cathartic than holding it in. especially when friends think you should be getting over it by now. There's a part of me that will never get over the love I had before Jim.

Hang in there my sweet friend!
( 1 comment — Leave a comment )

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